Dear Capricornus:

Before ending the relationship with him, maybe the problem of him tickling other women and having them sit on his lap be solved. I don’t know if you already talked to him about this: what you told him, in what tone etc., and how he responded (?)

“The reason I think I may need to (sadly) end the relationship is that he would see any ultimatum”- the way I would present it to him the problem, if I was you, would be to simply tell him how I feel about his behavior, how it troubles you. If he is a decent man who cares for you, he would not want to act in ways that distress you.

It is not unreasonable for him to stop tickling women and placing them on his lap. It is not like you told him that his need to eat or breathe, or exercise, or rest, or sleep or socialize is distressing you. Tickling women and having them sit on his lap is not a human basic need. It is a form of play that is not necessary: he can socialize with others in plenty of ways that don’t involve physical intimacy of this kind.

A cultural custom does not make a particular behavior a valid need. A cultural custom is not something that has to be obeyed or a reason to ignore and disrespect a partner’s feelings.

I will be away from the computer for the next 12 hours or so).

anita