Hello!

I am sorry to read that you are struggling with someone whom you are so close with. While you obviously love her and you have been through a lot with each other, she sounds like a very toxic friend. I understand that everyone is different in how they express themselves, etc., but a mutual friendship is where both parties give. She seems to take more than she gives and she seems very inwardly focused (to an unhealthy degree). I am certain she is a decent person, but it sounds like her guilt tripping is just something you cannot condone. And rightfully so.

Unfortunately, she sounds very selfish, as it seems your friendship with her is more about her than you. You have clearly tried to set boundaries and have been very honest and forthcoming with her. The fact that she cannot see this and will not listen to you has to be very frustrating. You should be able to live your life as you want without her making you feel guilty for doing so. As well, even though she is a friend, she is not your spouse – by that, I mean, you are not required to invite her wherever you go and you shouldn’t have to explain your actions. You are not beholden to her.

I don’t feel I am qualified to tell you what you should do, but the fact that she causes you more anguish than joy tells me the friendship isn’t very healthy. I would think clearly on it. Is being friends with her causing you more stress than joy? Is her behavior something you can tolerate and overlook? Is she harming your well-being instead of contributing to it? If you can answer yes to those questions, you might be better off ending the friendship. You have to watch out for yourself and your health because no one else will do it. You deserve to be happy and to live a life with as less stress as possible.

I wish this was an easy thing. I am actually going through the same thing with a friend. I have been setting boundaries and pulling back, testing the waters so-to-speak, but she continues her toxic behavior and our friendship is more about her issues and her needs than a mutual give-take. I know it is harder than just saying it, ending a friendship. I am struggling with it too. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best and hope you don’t suffer too much pain from either ending the friendship or keeping it.

~Jen