Dear Katie:

“There’s 0 proof that she purposefully tries to hurt me”-

First, you don’t need proof because you are not a prosecuting attorney in a court of law needing to convince a jury beyond reasonable doubt that your cousin is guilty. She is not in danger of being incarcerated, so you don’t need proof so to make sure she is not falsely incarcerated.

Second, if she hurts you not purposefully, it still hurts. When you cut your finger by accident, not purposefully, when cutting vegetables for a salad, your finger still bleeds, and it hurts, doesn’t it.

“Does she even try to hurt me?”- it doesn’t matter if she tries to hurt you or if she hurts you effortlessly. It matters that she repeatedly hurts you.

“What if she doesn’t know she hurts me?”- I thought you told her many times that her comments (ex., regarding your nose) hurt you. Didn’t you?

“How can she not know?”- if you never told her, she may not know. If you told her, she knows but she doesn’t care- your hurt feelings are not her concern.

“the last time she really attacked my appearance was a long time ago.. Is she a good friend for stopping?”- if she apologized and stopped all her offensive behavior against you, then I guess she may be a good friend. I was not under the impression that it was the case.

“Why don’t I feel comfortable confronting her in the same way as him?”- you are either afraid of her but you are not afraid of your boyfriend and/ or you feel guilty about confronting your cousin but you don’t feel guilty about confronting your boyfriend.

“am I blaming her for something out of her control? I know we stated that she did it on purpose, but what if she didn’t”-

-what if it is your legal and ethical right (it is)  to cut contact with your cousin without taking her to an imaginary court of law (where you have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that she intended to hurt you, that it was in her control to not hurt you and yet she purposefully chose to hurt you)? What if… you can have her out of your life simply because you want to. Life without your cousin may be better for you (and I think she will live fine without you in her life, so nobody loses).

anita