Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a nice answer. I really wish that this world has many more caring people like you.

I was dumbfounded after reading your analysis as it resonated very deeply within me. Your observation that I have low self-esteem is on the point and that is something which I have been aware of for some time. When I came to the US, one of my key objectives was to become more assertive and not be a pushover. However, I could never navigate the thin line between being assertive and overcompensating it to become over-aggressive. For example, with my flatmates, Initially, I tried to reason with them but it soon became a big argument/fight and I lost my temper. In reality, I hate confrontation with anyone. Perhaps that is really the reason for my lack of clarity on most aspects of my life. I get swayed easily just to please others.

I am not sure about how to develop better self-esteem. I always feel the need for validation of my actions to ensure that I acted in my better interest and the argument was necessary. For example, currently, with my flatmates, I try to avoid as many arguments as possible, even if that requires additional work on my end. The reason is that, after 3-4 months, we all will graduate and would go on to work in different companies. From my past experience, I feel that they would not matter at all after at max a year or so. Therefore, it would be counter-productive for me to fight with them over small things which might help me take a stand but would hamper my mental peace for now (Though a certain resentment builds up due to all this). What do you think about this?

There is one more thing about the boundaries of self-esteem. What exactly is the boundary of self-esteem? For example, I might consider cooking regularly for a “friend” who is not well-versed in that area but tries to help me out in different ways. Would that be reasonable given that I would probably put in much more effort than him? I always thought that to be fair and therefore can go out on a limb if I consider someone my friend (I don’t know but I consider others as my friend much before than they reciprocate which causes hurt expectations sometimes.).

I was really looking forward to the group counseling sessions but they got canceled for this semester due to the COVID-19 outbreak. On a side note, please be careful and safe regarding this.

I am often insecure about various decisions that I have taken. What actions would you suggest for me to become self-confident?

Cheers