It doesn’t make sense to me, sorry. I can’t change my feelings but to me if you like that person you WANT to stick around or you wont because you don’t like that person that much to wanna stick around with them (even as friends). I like the people I work with but I don’t really wanna see them outside of work, I am not connected to them except through work, it’s mostly I enjoy working with them and nothing more. Work is more then enough for me.

I am guessing she’s let a few friendships go in the past due to her not wanting to continue things with them and I don’t blame them. It’s SO tiring doing everything yourself wishing things would change but they never will you’re the only one that cares enough about it. I can’t change this perspective of mine, it’s such a simple way to think or you start making things complicated. All I know is I used to be enough until I wasn’t, now it’s a broken friendship and I keep delaying the inevitable because I can’t let her go due to what she means to me and she knows what she means to me because I have told her she means a great deal to me and those talks on the phone like when I made her cry before her first trip to the US telling her she was my light in the darkness when I was struggling and a reason for me to keep going, helping her out in her time of need when nobody else was helping her out, and other times like when I told her she can call me anytime she wanted for a bad day, good day, great news, just to talk, etc and we shared a moment in silence not wanting to get off the phone. She felt it, I felt it, it was felt by both of us.

It’s why I can’t meet her boyfriend, I will feel SO angry because everything we had been through all those years was washed away the moment they met each other like they never existed, like I never existed.