Dear Alejandra:

You shared that you and your boyfriend became official last year, 2019. At the time a young woman he used to hook up with was stalking him and you. You asked him at the time to stop talking to her and he said that he “stopped talking to her”.  Six months later, in February this year, you witnessed her in his truck and he told you that “he had slept with her 3 times back in November but that he hadn’t done anything since then”. You didn’t break up with him, and he let you go through his phone so to check if he is still cheating on you.

Two weeks ago the two of you got drunk, you asked for his phone, he gave you the phone, but then aggressively tried to take it back, you didn’t give him the phone back, got to your car, drove to the end of the street, he got into his car, drove away (both of you driving drunk), “it was a really bad fight, probably the worst fight I’ve ever had in a relationship”, you wrote.

Following that fight, he told you that “he didn’t want to lose me but that he couldn’t do this anymore, he didn’t want another fight to break out and it get out of hand.. that what had happened was just too much”, and soon after he broke up with you. You believe that “this relationship wasn’t healthy.. but it just hurts so much because there was real love there”. You feel weak, and still, you somehow “want to try to fix what went wrong”.

You asked: “How do I move on and let him go?”-

– my answer: with great sadness, let him go. Let yourself feel that intense sadness, that there was some “real love there” and that love is lost now. Look at the bigger picture: there was some real love there, but also real betrayal.

You are giving up on the bigger picture: the love and the betrayal. He told you that he will not talk to a woman he had sex with before you and him became official. Nov last year, three months after he gave you his word, he had sex with her three times, and then kept it a secret from you for three months until you saw her in his truck, Feb this year.

Also, it is unlikely that he told you on Feb the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, unlikely because he was able to not tell you the truth Nov, Dec, Jan, and.. he didn’t intend to tell you the truth before you caught him in his truck with her.

Likely, he had sex with her more times than three, before and after November. (I am not sure of course. I suppose a good private detective can find out for sure, gather hard evidence and testimonies).

Better let a man who cheats on you go, than marry such a man, have children with him, and be in a worse situation than you are now.

Does this help any?

anita