My earliest memories are only short images.  The people in my family were all educated and respected but not for their job, but for the way they were as people. They’ve always been hard workers, and they’ve never fooled others for their own advantage. We didn’t have much but we appreciated and used everything we had. Growing up in this environment, I’ve learned the importance of all these values in life. My parents did their best to offer me a great childhood and they succeeded. I remember being a very happy child. I was loved by everybody. I was calm, smart, I loved playing with Lego, making puzzles, watching cartoons.

I’ve always been very slim, I never liked eating much, and I haven’t had any health problems from it. I’ve also worn glasses from kindergarten. In kindergarten things were good, I enjoyed playing with others and I felt that they did too with me. But, in school I kept being mocked for both wearing glasses and being so thin. I’ve also been called names for it. That’s when I began feeling that I look and am weaker than others. If it was bad I used to tell on others to my teacher, but apart from her scolding them nothing else had changed. And “hitting back” was never an option because I was realistically aware of the fact that being physically inferior, I had absolutely nothing to win.

One day when coming home from school, I was stopped on the street by a boy who is known for being a trouble maker and he poured a drink on me just for fun. That has made me become afraid of going out in the street alone for a few years, and even now I am kind of afraid of these kinds of people when being on the street. The police doesn’t do anything against them, so I feel I have absolutely no power over the situation.

I went on class trips from school which I enjoyed, but once I went on a longer one (1 week) which I dreaded. I kept being mocked by others (especially by the older ones who chose me as a mocking object for being the universally called “looser”-type), I didn’t know how to swim (it was at a lake), and obviously others chose going with the group instead of me, so at one point a strong feeling of loneliness and helplessness struck me which made me cry and want to go home every day. The teacher tried to comfort me and help but it didn’t help. The fact that people around me (except for family) have always chosen to spend time or do things with others than me has stayed in my life for a very long time, and it added to my feeling of being unwanted.

This is what came into my mind about the time until I reached the age of 10. I think I will stop here now, and I will continue after we talk what there is to talk about regarding this part. I’ve tried to write all things I remember, but if you have any particular questions maybe they would help me to bring out more. And something for all my future posts: you can ask me absolutely anything and I will answer honestly with (if you also don’t mind) because I know it’s the only way to go. I don’t mind at all, now that I am anonymous.