Hi Anita, hope you’re well! I’m attempting to download the Mark Williams meditations but wanted to check Ive found the right one – do you remember if it was a series of 8 different meditations? I’ve also found him on Spotify, but it seems like a slightly different series, so was thinking to try both anyway.

Thank you for this advice: “calm yourself down before crumbling, as you notice your distress starting to go up. Take a moment break from working every once in a while and check: how is my breathing? If it is shallow, take a deeper, slower inhalation and exhale naturally, do it a few times/ get up from your sit and move around, wash the dishes or whatnot, before you go back to sitting. If distress is high, take a walk, a second walk outside, or a shower.” I’ve been hit by hindsight as I read through your advice and this one in particular, has really highlighted how my poor attitude to physical health has directly impacted my mental health. When I usually work from home, which was one day week prior to lock down, I am usually terrible at taking breaks, getting up, stretching, even drinking water or eating lunch and on top of that I usually work well into the evening, because I’m home and I can. For the first two weeks, this is how we were both functioning (not moving much, working late) and I think we only left our flat maybe once or twice in that time. It explains a lot actually and I feel quite silly as I really spent those first few weeks just enjoying lockdown like it was an extended weekend: couch, wine/spliff (outside of working hours!) and crap TV til way too late. I can see now why I cracked when I did, and how I fell into this negative state of mind…

“think to yourself: he is distressed too, maybe even more than I am.” this is also gold. Thank you. I keep imagining what he’s thinking and going through now, wondering if he’s healing, and if he’s building up his strength to walk away, rather than try to rekindle anything. But you’re right that the most important thing I can do now is to respect his wishes and his space. Its good to keep hearing it, thank you.

On that note, do have a question around the practical topic of fresh food/produce. I’ve noticed that we have a whole bunch of food that needs to be eaten before it spoils. We’ve been managing our own meals whilst we’ve been separated and he’s not touched any of our shared produce. I don’t know how to practically approach this, as we spent a lot on fresh produce for lockdown and its now going to waste. I was thinking to write on his list, that I would be cooking and he is welcomed to have some if he wants? I’ve frozen what I can, so most of it is ok, but the rest, I’m not sure what to do with it – I’ve been using half portions and leaving the rest for him, but he’s not really touched any of it. I’m scared if I just use up everything, he’s going to accuse me of being selfish again. But if I don’t, it’ll go off and get wasted. Likewise, I worry that its also not appropriate to write messages on the list (rather things that need to be done.. which at present, is nothing..well nothing that I feel safe asking him to do). What are your thoughts on this?