Dear anita,

sorry I did not post earlier!

I am doing o.K. I am healthy, working on my routine (not always succeeding, but sometimes I do).

Not everything is going great. The 60% payment, my co-workers get it, but not me, because I have another type of contract. So now my contract is “paused” until the end of may, meaning I don’t have to work, they don’t have to pay. But at least I will still have a job after all of this, as long as the company survives this.

This whole situation leaves me a bit insecure about what to do next. To be honest I have procrastinated on taking action and feel a bit ashamed of myself (I was so optimistic at first..). I think I need to set a time for myself, where I will journal about it to make a decision. Maybe make some calls to inform myself better. At least I have some money saved up to survive the next months.

To be honest, I would prefer to use that time to just finish my uni projects, but of course, who knows how long all of this will last. My therapist said, there will be no decision that will be 100% satisfactory and that’s why it is so hard. But I will feel better, once I face the problems.

Besides that, I am o.K., not sick and nobody of my family of friends are sick as well. Self-isolation is not so hard for me, I feel that it not so drastically different from my normal lifestyle. And I still talk on the phone to my parents and my best friend. And I also talk to my roommate. So I am not completely lonely.

I am very thankful, that I get along well with my roommates. It could be so much worse! But I feel o.K. and at peace here. And I was also thinking about what you said above: “….getting to know each other slowly”- excellent, and I like the slowly part.”

For me, getting to know others slowly is the only way. Even if others might find it weird, find me distanced… I just need that, to get to know people step by step, or I will only overwhelm myself and do things when I am not ready!

I also try not to watch too much of the world news. I cannot do anything about it anyways. Of course I stay up to date on the current rules and the most important facts. But on some days, I watched the news the whole day and felt terrible after it.

My days are like this: I get up at 7 and go for an early morning walk. I try to draw a bit in the morning and also in the afternoon. At the evenings I journal and write down what to do the next day. I am finding out what works and what doesn’t work. Sometimes I still fail.

Thanks to my walks I have discovered my neighborhood, which I hadn’t explored at all before the pandemic. I am glad that we are still allowed to go for walks! There is a lake nearby, a brook, a graveyard that is like a big park… Nature is not far away at all.

And I have looked out for herbs during my walks and really observed what is growing. I found wood garlic, dandelion and nettles and have used some of them for cooking. This weekend I want to pick more wood garlic and make some  pesto out of it. I love learning more about wild herbs.

My conclusion is: I am o.K.: working on my routine, working on my art projects, but also need to make a decision regarding my financial situation.

How are you doing? Are you still seeing Hunter the baegle? Dogs always seem to be so happy, they know what the good things in life are. And are you still going for your walks?

hope you are o.K.!