“I know people mess up, X, I’ve messed up too. Like when I got aggressive with you.. I never thought I would be capable of being that person. I had so much rage inside of me that I snapped. I know you made it a point to make sure that I knew I had messed up… right before I hit you you said this to me “you fucked up, you really fucked it up, I’m done.” So I reacted. Was I wrong? Of course, I apologized, tried to apologize right away, I felt so shitty about what I had done, I never want to be that person again. It was a reaction though. If you push and push and push a person over and over again, they will eventually push back. Of course we let it get to a bad point, I should’ve never done that, but you should’ve never disrespected me and cheated. And it’s not even the cheating. The respect, the honesty, the love. That’s all I really ever wanted from you, never wanted to change you, I just wanted you to love me and let me love you with honesty and respect. So I had to deal with the cheating, and had no clue how. I should’ve taken the time to really think about whether or not I could heal from this, or if I could even forgive you. I didn’t give myself the time, so when we decided to fix things, I had no idea how.. I started controlling everything you did because I just felt like I could avoid you cheating on me again, but it just blew up in my face. Instead of trying to control you, I should’ve just started to heal and let you do the things YOU felt needed to change for a healthier relationship. I asked for so much, and yes, I was never grateful for all that you really tried to do in the last month. It was so much pressure, that I feel you were building up so much anger and resentment towards me because I was trying to control your actions. Being honest though, you kept giving me reasons to bring stuff up.. like deleting conversations, talking to other girls on your phone, lying about adding girls on snapchat again. How did you expect me to be willing to trust you if you couldn’t even give me something to trust in? So I controlled you and I know now I can’t do that. I can’t force you to change, I can’t ask you to be someone you don’t want to be. And I say “want to be” because I know you can be that person. I’ve seen you be that person, but you’re just not ready or maybe willing to be that person for me.

It’s been so hard to accept that, but I want to heal and be happy again, so I have to let you go. Like you mentioned it, if it’s meant to be then maybe we’ll find our way back, but I cannot be with someone who isn’t going to want to love me right. “

Again thanks for your responses, it brings me hope and comfort knowing that this is something I can heal from.