Dear Cali21:

I agree with you that he has “some sort of physical or emotional problem that would not allow him to feel passion or lust”- but not just for you, for any woman.

If he was able to feel passion and lust for other women, but not for you, he wouldn’t have gone on for five years with you and asked you to marry him. He would have looked for another woman with whom he felt passion.

Reads to me that he has a significant problem with physical intimacy and he knows it, that’s why he didn’t look for another woman, he knew all along that the problem is within him.

It may be, a possibility, as an example that he has this anger within him, anger at all women, and although he can display non sexual positive attention, affection and care to a woman, he can’t do that within the sexual context. The sexual context is too raw and too .. naked  for him to be able to put aside his anger. So within the sexual context, he disassociates, sort of becomes objective to the experience, making it a practical, nothing-personal kind of interaction.

Before I attempt to answer your question: “what would you do?”, I need to  know what you think about what I typed here.

anita