Dear YI:

You are welcome.

“I just don’t think this anger could be a reason for me to suddenly stop the feelings I had for him because I’ve had similar experiences at the beginning of the relationship and was OK”, meaning at the beginning of the relationship you were anxious and at times angry with him, but you didn’t lose your feelings then.

But you added: “we weren’t spending that much time together in the beginning and I wasn’t as in love”- that’s a big difference: spending more time with him later on and feeling more emotionally attached to him aka more in love led to you protecting yourself from anticipated (more) hurt by losing your feelings for him.

You wrote that “disappointment and anger is experienced at some point in all relationships, no?”- yes, and people do lose their loving feelings for their partner when angry and disappointed. But most people, if healthy and mature, don’t get alarmed by these losses of feelings because they know feelings don’t stay the same. Feelings are like the weather: they keep changing. When some feelings are gone, mature, healthy people don’t panic, they figure: the sun is behind the clouds now; it will come out of the clouds later on, some other time.

But you got alarmed and panicked, as if .. the sky is falling down because you cannot see the sun.

It feels complicated, doesn’t it: to have all these feelings: longing and needing and being scared, worried, and hoping, angry.. how is one to manage all these feelings that feel contradictory?

anita

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