Hi Anita, the following paragraph will have some trigger warning.

I’m going to side track a little. I had few mental breakdowns last night. After work I was really tired. So I did not get dinner, I played online games with my family for awhile and then head to bed. I was really sleepy but I couldn’t sleep AT ALL. Not even a wink, I had bad anxiety attack, I just broke down, I just feel so stressed out, like I couldn’t breathe. I used to self harm whenever I have suicidal thoughts but I was clean for almost 6-7 years now. But yesterday, the temptation to do something to end my life was real. Like I really forgotten of all my priorities and responsibilities and I just want to end it. I am really tired.

Back to answering your questions,

There is a few packages to help families and students but my family are not eligible to get it, which is sad. My brother is not eligible to get the caring package because he is studying overseas. If he is Malaysia then he will prolly get it. That is why I have to support him which me working in singapore. I used to work in Malaysia but their pay is too little to help my brother.

‘I hope that you can leave Singapore and be back in Malaysia sooner than later.’ , I do wish the same too. It will be probably in another month or two. I just hope I am able to hold onto it. I so afraid to lose myself.

Another side story, yesterday while I was working. My grandaunt came in to the room, and made a commotion about my room. That is fine, as every mother/ aunt ever. But she started complaining that I uses the fan too much, she would want me to not on the fan. But there is no air conditioning in the room and the weather here is really hot and humid. Sigh.

I just wish she is a little understanding, at least my stay will be bearable.

Thank You Anita! I will consider telling my boss about it the next time.

I will appreciate you replying me Anita, I really do. Thank you.