Dear Al:

You are welcome.

* The growing up in a small town experience, for you, was 19 years of the “feeling of being a fish out of water”.

How does a fish out of water, having spent many days in front of the computer watching images of water (“I remember spending many, many days in my room all day and until late at night, in front of the computer, where the world I really wanted was easily accessible”), feel when he finally finds himself in water?

Answer: “pure soul liberation, like I was born again, but better this time.. so young and full of youth and hunger for adventures and new experiences.. that hunger for life”.

Here is the problem: the feeling of finally being in the water, it’s mostly about the transition from outside the water to inside the water, that’s the intoxicating part. Similar to a very hungry person getting his first piece of bread in days. It may be stale bread, but it sure tastes the best ever. When the hungry person is well fed, nothing is going to taste that good.

The fish out of water/ small town experience: “The environment was just feeling not ‘meant’ for me”- living on land is not meant for a fish. A fish does need to be in water. Problem is if the fish expects the that intensity to last, and when it doesn’t, he gets alarmed: why am I not feeling that intensity anymore???

That intensity is not sustainable, it has a time limit. Got to adjust to reality: life is not going to be that great, like it was when you first arrived at Australia. You can chase that feeling but it will be like trying to hold  on to something slippery, a moment here, a moment there with lots of “My Soul is Getting Lost” experiences in between those rare moments.

* Your parents read like good people, genuinely wishing the best for you, having supported you throughout.

* “The environment was just feeling not ‘meant’ for me..I always had this vision that if I moved far away, somewhere like the USA or Australia, I’d be happy… I focus on aspects and situations that don’t bring me anything”- since childhood you are in the habit of being unsatisfied with where you are and looking forward to being someplace else.

Even though you currently are someplace else, a place that does suit you well, you are dissatisfied because you are in the habit of being dissatisfied wherever you are. Still in the habit of feeling good when imagining moving far away.

Let me know what you think/ feel and we can communicate further.

anita