Dear Anita,

I am indeed pressuring myself to end things with P (my friends with benefits) because I am afraid of getting hurt. I do not understand how he cannot find 5 minutes to email me in a day. And so, I tell myself, he does not care as much as I do, better to end this before getting hurt. I try to put on my tough woman armor and say “I am done!”  But there is always this doubt in my mind. I cannot find clarity.

Also, what I have learned about myself recently makes me question my impulse to end this relationship. As mentioned in my original post, I am what is called a “highly gifted person”. Two separate psychologists diagnosed me. I did not believe the first one, which, turns out, reflects the self- and general- doubt typical of this profile. I would simply call it being an “intense person” instead, because the positive ring to “highly gifted person” detracts from the many negative aspects of it. One of them is loneliness. This means that when I feel a connection, which rarely occurs, I want close and frequent contacts with the person. More than what most people want. And it feels  very painful when this does not happen. The other person rarely knows what is going on because I hold back in order not to scare them. P certainly does not know.

So maybe, as you suggest, I should not pressure myself to end things with him. And you are very right in mentioning that I should keep in mind the distress/joy balance so that I dont get dragged down. It is difficult for me to do analyze this balance right now because I have a hard time concentrating. This pandemic is taking its toll on my mental health, despite my best efforts to stay healthy by meditating, exercising and eating well. I guess that I should give myself time.

It is encouraging to know that you met someone in your late forties. Maybe this will happen for me too. 🙂

Thank you for reading me.

Isabelle