Dear anita;

Hey, I haven’t talked to you in a week because I’ve jusr been trying to get back to normal.

But this past week it came over me that “I had made a mistake” with pushing him away. I told my self; “I just had been treated badly in the past  “the anniversary of my mom’s death drives me over the bend, and makes my emotions run wild” and I messaged him.

I told him I was sorry, and really losing him made me realize that I really needed him. And I made a huge mistake, & now I had finally realized what I wanted. And that was him, so once every like, two days id message him, and he never really said much because he just was fine. He even told me that he was so good that he even thought that he’d moved on from me already;

That was such a hit to my ego, I was thinking of all the other girls he’d find. Who he’d treat amazing. When I tell you he’s every girls dream man, he’s loving and caring and treats his mom well, he has all his shit together, hoes to school has a good job, is respected by everyone, he’s clean. ETC. So I kept thinking of all these things and it was driving me crazy.

So I waited a few days. And I messaged him last night.. I was calm. And nice. And I told him I had made a mistake . And thay I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone but him. And he actually forgave me. He told me he still loves me. And that he would he would be down to have a fresh start. I was happy. For a moment. Then that feeling cane back that I described to you. Feeling suffocated,anxiety.. ETC.

And I felt that I was doing the wrong thing,even now as I type this i feel like an awful person for saying all of these things about him. But i can’t help it. I have to get it out. I feel like if we where to break up. I could just feel weight lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time. I miss him and can’t let go. I dont want to hurt him. Andi don’t want to feel like a bad person.

Is it possible to just not like somebody?, I feel like when I see him it’ll all be different. It’s just been so long. But i don’t want to see him and feel the same way, and put him through this all over again. Also he unadded me on Snapchat. And unfolliwed eachother on Instagram, and at first I was upset but after about a day, I was still thinking of him nonstop. But i had completely forgot that he had unadded me. And when I had him on socials I kept posting to annoy him, but once he was gone, I felt so much better. And a lot less draining.

I don’t know what to do Anita these feelings of fear and sadness and anxiety and anger and depression are gone, but now it’s just trying to figure out what to do. I’ve also flirted with a few people & actually felt excited about it… yikes.

He wants to hangout in a few days. Should I call it off for the final time. Or see him. And see if i feel different.? (Keep in mind when I seen him on my mom’s birthday, all the love cane back)( he also said that we’re taking it slow…)

I just feel that love should be easier than this.

I’m sorry for the longggg reply but I tried my best to articulate  properly. So please try and reply to every point you can, because each point is a point I’ve been harping on for awhile. I feel that the only way I’ll feel better is if we truly breakup. But whenever we do I get really upset

Lisa<3