Dear gamer:

I appreciate your updates because they help me understand him better. Let’s see what I can understand today:

Reads like he does suffer from a strong sense of guilt (“He kept saying sorry, for all the wrong things he’s done.. to hurt me.. bringing me down with him.. self blaming”). I think he exaggerates by far, in his mind,  how much he hurt you, taking too much responsibility. I am guessing that his mother instilled in him this sense of exaggerated guilt.

“I have and always will support him, love him and motivate him”- the way to do it, taking into account his guilty, self blaming state of mind, is to not blame him for anything, and to not complain to him about how badly you feel. Even if you don’t blame him for how badly you feel, he will automatically blame himself. So keep your communication with him positive, control your expressions of hurt and misery, and express to him that you are okay.

Regarding the no contact: clearly he doesn’t want no-contact with you and you don’t want it with him. So no-contact is not an issue for me to mention again. What he wants is to keep communicating with you but to not be officially in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with you. That’s what he wants. You want to keep communicating with you, but be officially in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.

I think that he is honest, logical and mature at times, but his pathological sense of guilt is messing him up and he is unable to put his logical thinking into good use in the context of relationships because his exaggerated, pathological guilt is contaminating his thinking. For as long as he is living with his mother (whom I am guessing is the source of his pathology), he can’t start healing.

anita