Thank you for your update.

1. He is way busier than I am. We both are students so I finished a week earlier than he had. He is done with school now too so until Fall time, we have a summer break. I do have a lot of time on my hand now that I can’t go out anywhere. My mother advises me not to because of the outbreak so I just sit at home and make use of my time. I either draw, call my friend, organize, cook with my mom etc. I lost my job because of the outbreak. I do have a good relationship with my parents — my mother more than my father. My brother and I are close as well. Before this outbreak, I would hang out with family often, see my cousins, friends as well as him so I didn’t only focus on him. During this outbreak since I do not go out anywhere, I sit in my backyard with my family and hang out with my family more.

2. He worries about his financial matters at home. His parents do not work but his mother has savings and assets that can pay the bills and run the household, she manages all of that. Money has been tight for them but he works and his sibling works as well. He isn’t the type of guy to be attracted by money at all — I am currently jobless and money is tight for my family right now since only one person is working in my house post covid. Sex on the other hand, we both agreed to wait till marriage and since the end of Feb, we haven’t done anything (no kissing, no touching etc). We both have a love language of quality time and we both love to connect and build that bond. So before we did anything physical, we became friends to best friends and then we moved to the next step. The only family member that knows we are dating is my brother. My parents do not know because they are strict and don’t allow me to date. The same reason for his parents as well. He did come to a family party and was introduced as my brother’s friend and my parents loved him. He bonded with my father very well and opened up. So there was no discussion related to us at all.

3/4. I do have anger but it’s mixed with other feelings like hurt and confusion. Remember when I had mentioned he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me and then after a shower, he changed his mind? Wouldn’t you be confused and hurt? He kept changing his mind which made me hurt and confused and led me to doubt everything he said prior and if he actually meant it. I understand that I need to resolve this anger somehow, but I feel that the only way it can be resolved is if I hear it from him. Why he was confused… what changed his mind… what is actually going on in his head.. what he’s thinking… etc. I cannot ask these questions now since the breakup is fresh but these are some things I need clarification too. Would it be a good idea to ask for a clear and coherent response after some time of space?

5. Yes he doesn’t have any of those motivations towards me (financial, sex). He has been like this (anxious, emotionally unwell) way before we even met. His friend said he’s been like this all of high school. There is definitely reasons and factors as to why he is like this because his brother is the opposite… the factor is his family. And like you said, if he continues to live there, he cannot begin healing.

6. I understand what you are saying. I’m not trying to ignore my own faults and blame him only. I know where I went wrong in this too, I am also to blame. There are 2 people in this so it’s not only one person’s fault and I made that clear to him. I feel as if I’m trying to piece things together to make sense of what has happened in the past 18 days, and in doing so, I am driving myself crazy. He had asked for space for a reason and I will give it to him but in this time, I am also looking at ways I can control my emotions and reactions. I believe there is always room for improvement and I take accountability for my actions and am trying my best to resolve them. I looked up the no contact period and it lasts for a month so I will see in a month from now what is going on with him and us.