Dear Jaia:

You are welcome.

“a global pandemic has thrown him way, way off course in his recovery, which makes me want to throw a tantrum and scream that it’s not fair”- I wonder if that’s what he did, if his anger tantrum was him going back on drugs. Maybe his thinking was something like this: I did all this recovery, and what do I get in return? A pandemic! not fair!!!

Maybe what motivated him to go back to drugs is anger.

“I feel guilty for not being able to stand by him through this.. But it was starting to feel as though I was drowning”- you feel guilty, but you are not guilty. He was taking you under with him. He is guilty of doing that, not you.

“I feel as though he’s the love of my life. But if that were true we’d be together now, wouldn’t we?”- I am inclined to think at this point, based on the very little information I have, that he chose anger over love, that he sacrificed the love you had for his anger, a reignited anger.

I feel badly for you suffering from stress as you do. You probably know of all the relaxation techniques that are congruent with your particular stress related physical disability.

I will be away from the computer for a couple of hours or  so. Do post again anytime you want to post, and I’ll be glad to reply to you every time.

anita