Dear loveandkisseszaphod:

You and the guy texted for two weeks, he then invited you to his art exhibition, and you were “sooo excited to meet him”. The moment you arrived to the exhibition, he “was touchy and huggy”, then asked you to hang out with him at his atelier which looked like a warehouse. Next, “he locked the door and started kissing and touching me in the dark”.

For two hours you “talked, and made out and looked at some of his art”. You told him that you didn’t want a one-night stand with him, that you wanted to see him again. He told you that “he didn’t see it as a one-night stand, but it was technically impossible for us to be a couple because he lives in anther city.. and soon he will move back to another country”.

“What is strange for me is I found that experience so sexy. I was initially scared of him, then confused with the directness but was very turned on by the experience… Why was I so confused?”

–The answer may be in what you shared in your previous thread, that your mother is uptight and puritan. You wrote regarding an unconventional experience with a former boyfriend that she would have been “shocked and horrified if she knew the story”. Maybe the recent unconventional experience of being in that warehouse with a sex hungry man, an experience that would have shocked your puritan mother, turned you on.  Because part of you is puritan like your mother and another part of you want to you to  be very different from that puritan image.

You wrote in your previous thread that your mother has been telling you that you are “cold, stern, emotionally unavailable like the nordic tv show”- makes me think that you are indeed more like your mother than you would like to be, and that it is an appealing thought (and a turn on) to be the opposite of that cold/stern/ nordic image.

You wrote there regarding your mother: “generally I am angry at her for being so uptight causing me to have less joy in life, and shying away from attention. I don’t feel at ease in my own skin.. not fully comfortable with the way I look no matter what.. wasting away my young ages feeling uncomfortable with men and with sex“- – in that warehouse, you wanted to make up for that wasting away of your young ages, awakening into a sexual experience unlike any in the past.

In your previous thread you wrote: “I feel like I am faking things.. I can’t say I’m depressed.  I feel ok for most of the time, but .. deep down, my ‘normal’ is being alone, left  out.. once I connect with someone, then he has a strong power on me”- faking things, okay, but not truly engaged, not really awakened to life.

Back to the guy this thread is about: he told you from the very beginning that a relationship with him is impossible, so he was honest in that regard. He clearly wanted to have sex with you from the very beginning and that was his motivation in regard to you: sex, not a relationship.

There is more in your story but I will stop here. You  are welcome to respond to any part of what I wrote that you would like to look into further and let me know what it may be.

anita