Dear anita,

thanks for your input. It is true that I can be very perfectionist. At the moment I have a lot of self doubt, feeling left behind in life. I get unhappy with myself, because I see others working so hard and then I don’t get anything done for several days. I want to grow up, take responsibility for my life and be mature. But I am working on improving, I should not forget that. The results can not come overnight.

In the past year, I went to a helpful therapist and learned more about myself and understood myself better. I also worked more and became more financially stable. And I did not give up, when it was not easy at work with the new tasks and I was feeling overwhelmed. Now I am trying to work on my routine and getting a bit better at it. I am already working on it, so I should not beat myself up. Have more compassion with myself.

The internet is a problem for me though. I get easily distracted by it, a habit that I have cultivated over years. The problem is, if I start with one hour, it will easily turn into five or more hours. So therefore I need some rules for it. Maybe I could limit the use of the websites that offer the main distraction for me. Not to visit them except in the evening, for one hour or so. Maybe that will work. Maybe that is less rigid.

About my friend: you are right. She is smart enough to make her own decisions, she is also confident and a strong person. I need to let go. She seems to be doing o.K. She has her boyfriend, a job, her family and lots of friends and acquaintances. Maybe some distance can even be good.

At the same time, I am also feeling a bit sad. “She does not need me”, this thought comes up. But I guess she is just very very  busy. At least I know that she is o.K.

I think I should focus on working on myself, my studies, my routine and such. Maybe there will be a time, where I will not have so much time for these things. I am o.K.

My afternoon on Sunday was nice by the way. I went out for a long walk. Suddenly it started to rain. There was hail and it was thundering. It was a bit scary, but I also felt alive. Then the sun came out while raining, it looked so beautiful.The world seemed as if it was newborn. There was steam coming from the ground and there was this earthy smell. I am glad to feel so connected to nature.

Well, I hope you are well. Take care!