Dear blkhwkdwn1:

* “I messaged her again early and again she never messaged me back… Me: Let’s talk in the next few days… 6 hours later .. she’s posting on her FB”-

– you messaged her to talk in the next few days, so no wonder she didn’t message you back six hours later. In the next few days means in the next 24 hours, 48 hours, or 72 hours. If you wanted her to call you in the next hour, you should have messaged: Let’s talk in the next hour.

..”I’ll try calling you later this week before your guy arrives on the 5th if you’re still up to talking on the phone, if not maybe  July”-

– on one hand you want her to message/ call you back as soon as possible, urgently; on the other hand you communicate to her that there is no urgency at all, that it’s okay with you if she answers you in a few days, and even a whole month away- in July!

* Me: “Whatever I did to you I am sorry but I guess you no longer wanna talk anymore now that you paid me  back… I just had a huge panic attack for over an hour finding out you’re on FB”

Her: Pat! Please prefer not to hear this.. I am at work since you messaged earlier, my phone was on silent… don’t take it personal, sorry I take a while to answer back sometimes. Sure  let’s chat soon… Really sorry you feel that way! I care for you as a friend but I am not really up for a phone call today.. all good buddy. I’d say relax about it but I totally know how it feels. Sorry again. But also I didn’t do anything wrong buddy.. Ok have a good night Pat!.. I’m sorry, later”-

-You were very upset and disturbed, and she was calm and sensible, patient, honest and kind to you. She is an unusual person, many in her shoes would have gotten upset. Like I suggested, you communicated no urgency to her while feeling very urgent, and then when she didn’t respond urgently.. you got very upset. So I agree with her that she didn’t do anything wrong.

“I JUST want things to be like before, where I didn’t have to wait ALL DAY for a reply back”- if you don’t want to wait ALL DAY, don’t message her that it’s okay with you to talk in a few days or in a month!

* I read what you want to tell her next: “I just miss how our friendship used to be…”. The problem I see is that you don’t communicate with her well: what is happening in your mind and heart is often not what you are communicating to her.  Overall, it is my impression that you calculate a lot: what to tell her, what not to tell her, so to not appear needy or whatnot, and the result is that you don’t tell her your truth.

* What is available to you with her is some kind of a friendship. It is and will not be all that you want it to  be, but if you communicate with her honestly, you will be elevating this friendship to a higher quality than it is now. I think she is patient enough and special enough to respond well to you telling her honestly what it is that is happening in your mind and heart.

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by .