Dear Maya:

You shared that you are 38, been married for 12 years. Your husband aka significant other (SO) is 45, “nice and good looking person.. a good father and husband.. a good person”. You met him when you were 26, after a previous relationship ended with your heart being broken. You dated him for three months, then moved in with him and five months after meeting him, you got pregnant. The two of you have full time jobs, own a home together and have three happy kids.

From the beginning, you have never been in love with him passionately, you wrote. After giving birth to your youngest child, your feelings for your SO kept going downhill. “In the outside, we have a perfect happy family but I always feel unhappy.. I lost my desire toward my SO. I am not attractive to him emotionally or physically… I fantasize about having romance, profound love and intense feelings with someone else”.

Three years ago he wanted to do something that you didn’t want to do (from memory, it was a business venture?), you argued more, but supported him nonetheless, the venture failed badly, he again said something hurtful to you and you told him that you “did not want to (do) anything with him except things that involve the kids”.

Then you met a married man who comforted you etc. This extramarital relationship has been going on for three years. “What should I do  at this moment… my SO deserves someone loves him… I’m not the wife I’m supposed to be.. But my  kids’ lives will be disrupted.. If I divorce, will my kids be ok?”-

– your situation requires professional help from a divorce counselor (a family or relationship counselor who has practice counseling couples that go through divorces) to meet the two of you in person and help you and him dissolve this marriage in the most peaceful way possible, creating as little disruption in your kids’ lives as possible; helping you and your husband to come up with rules of behavior before, during and after the divorce, and with an effective co-parenting plan that will work for the two of you, and most importantly, for the kids.

anita

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