Dear Cecilia

I don’t know how long he’s been split up from his ex but he sounds like a man on the rebound. He has told you at different times that he was more interested in a friendship with you than a romantic relationship and that he was ‘delighted’ that you wanted to go slow (not that stopped him sleeping with you!). But you have pushed and pushed for him to behave like a committed lover with you, which he is just not ready or willing to do.

I would suggest not contacting him again, however hard you find it. Let him know that, if and when he is ready for the sort of relationship you want with him, he should contact you (and you may or not be available, you are entitled to move on if you want to). And let him bridge the gap between you, don’t keep doing it yourself. That is what makes him go cold and distant, putting pressure on him. Maybe he will get back to you in the future and, if he does, do what you say and go slow (and that means no sex until he has proved himself willing to commit to you). But if he never does get back to you, you will have to accept that. You cannot force someone to be what you want them to be.

Hope this helps.

Jan