Hi Kimberly!

I’m 28 and in the same boat. Dating apps have definitely led to “dates” but they also leave me feeling sad and anxious, like “finding a boyfriend” is a job I have to do. Societal and friend pressure is also tough. Sometimes the friendly suggestions to come to a party and “maybe meet someone” are annoying and make you feel worse, you know? Like you’re not enough just as you a

I think it’s hard for guys too. I mean I know they are into getting laid a lot of the time but I think the idea of a big “R” relationship freaks people out so it’s hard to find guys who will “go slowly” (i.e. not rush into sex and then flake).

I want a boyfriend too. But not just as a guy to have around, I want to meet a human being who likes spending time with me like i do them, and who values my company, respects me, yadda yadda. Just like how I choose my friends but… more.

Like ao3rz suggested, I’m going to try and meet people with whom I have things in common at places I go to, or whatever (whenever life resumes its normal pace…).

I think dating apps work if you’re not too seriously looking. The one couple I know who are married and met on Tinder were mainly on there looking for casual stuff and happened to match (after many other dates) and there was a spark. It’s a numbers game. Unfortunately, and this might be more based on where you are living (I’m in a big city with a lot of transient students), there’s also a lot of guys on there just looking for a quick hookup—but they might not say as much and charm you till you think you’re in love and then… vanish (I speak from experience). Anyway, you kind of have to guard your heart against these people. It takes time and work but I think it’s worth it. Even if you don’t meet “The One” you do meet a lot of people which can be cool.

In terms of being content being single… well… I have my good days and bad days. I mean I’ve had many a night where I cry myself to sleep about this, lol. Remember that all your friends’ relationships aren’t perfect all the time. Try practising mindfulness, focus on the moment instead of letting your mind race. List all the cool and amazing things you can do, you are doing as a single woman.

And don’t let it get too much attention in your brain, if that makes sense. I found that all my intense feeling around getting a boyfriend clouded my judgment, or made me a little too-willing to overlook major red flags with the guy I dated.

— LW