Hi anita,

Yes, this is what I am ultimately looking for, and what my closest friends have told me I should look for too.

I replied to another thread about being single and suggested that my guard was kind of down for this guy (who I had heard rumours about, and who had shown some questionable behaviour in the past). I think I really fell for his infatuation and his near-love bombing. Add in that he claimed to have had little success with women (perhaps his behaviour is to blame?) and that he’s not exactly handsome and I kind of went for it, feasting on the breadcrumbs he’d offered as he was “courting me” so to speak.

I will look, but I also know I need to forge my own way in life. I want to finish my degree and when done that I have plans to do another and then enter the job market with that accreditation. Who knows, maybe I’ll meet someone through work. What I know for sure is I want tot stop putting so much energy into thinking about my “singleness” as some kind of life-defining thing. It’s not a physical characteristic, or a personal flaw. It doesn’t define me, my interests, who I am, my worth as a human being.

For some of my friends, one in particular, her singleness has become an obsession, and she views almost every guy she meets and is attracted to as a potential life partner, I think. Very very intent to “fix” this one thing and cure all of her underlying psychological issues. I love her dearly but it is hard to be around that kind of energy and not have some of it enter your own psyche, you know?

LW