Dear Lea:

“Could we together be able to find our own missing part?”- no, I don’t think so, because you see too much of yourself in him, so much so, that you are not seeing him clearly. You feel strongly that you know his missing part, but you don’t. You are in touch with your missing part, not his.

We all start the same way, all-loving, all-trusting, soft and vulnerable young children. As we grow up into preteens and teenagers, we diverge. Inside we are still the same, but most of us get so far from that inside, in all kinds of directions. At this point, I don’t think that you are able to see who he really is, after diverging, that is, which started happening in his life more than 10 years ago.

“I can’t stop seeing me and him as children blocked in an adult’s body”- that every adult’s condition, mine too, everyone’s. It’s just that you noticed this reality in the context of your interactions with him.

“Why did he want to keep  in touch with me.. Did he push me to move on…?”- you asked other questions about him on your thread, quite a few, because you don’t know him well, you know how he started as a child (all-loving, etc.), same as you started, same as everyone, but you don’t know much about who he became, what motivates him, etc.

You shared that in the past, you chose men as fitting sons in law for your mother, not as fitting partners for you. But this young man, you didn’t choose him as a son in law for your mother. Instead, you chose him for you. You made progress here, choosing a man for you and not for your mother. I am glad that you made this progress!

anita