Dear Anita,

“I felt good when you assured me: “please never think that I am hiding anything on purpose”- thank you.”

– I may give opposing answers sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I’m ever lying to you. I always tell you what I feel, and the truth is I do feel very confused regarding many things. I am aware that improvement and real solutions can only be found if I don’t hide anything, so I don’t even think about doing that. Anita, I want to tell you again how much I appreciate your help in all this. Thank you.

“At the time, the image of myself that I saw in the mirror was a shameful, bad, disgusting, unworthy, unlovable, guilty person. Fast forward, I retroactively see the person that I was as good, 100% loving, and lovable and oh, so innocent. (If only I lived so much of my life seeing the latter image, and not the former).”

– I feel the exact same way! You used the same words as I would have. But, looking at the past and retrospectively seeing myself in a good way doesn’t help me see myself differently in the present. I feel as if I know the theory but I have no idea how to put it into practice. I know it’s ok to have flaws, I know that I am not a bad person, but I still can’t get myself to apply these beliefs onto myself and replace the guilt and unworthiness with confidence.

The only guilt that I somehow managed to change was the one for sexual pleasure. I used to feel so guilty about any kind of pleasure I’ve given myself for about 10 years. I used to think I was weak and dirty for it. And about 2 years ago I managed to get over it. I still feel guilty and weak sometimes, but it’s usually only when I’m down emotionally.