Dear Laelithia:

I am back to your thread earlier than I planned. I am still not focused as much as I’d like to be, so if I misunderstand something, please let me know what it is.

I don’t remember you mentioning before that your father was diagnosed with cancer and had surgery- I hope he heals and fully recovers.

I do remember that you’ve been in therapy and I hope it moves forward, that it helps you more than it has so far.

Regarding the man you shared about: if I understand correctly, the two of you were in a relationship recently and were physically intimate for a period of time, and then he told you that he wants to see other women (“he still felt a little pressure to date others as well”), and had a date with another woman set- that’s a devastating experience for a woman in a relationship, being emotionally invested in the man.

You wrote: “Instead of taking this well, I took it badly and begin pushing him away”- wanting to date other women = pushing you away, isn’t it, in other words, didn’t he push you away, not the other way around?

And why should you take it well, that he wants to date other women?

I referred in my earlier post to your “obsessive regret”= believing that you ruin relationships that would be wonderful if only you didn’t make the terrible mistakes you perceive to have made.

“I feel so badly about how I behaved”- when he set a date with another woman while in a relationship with you, if I understand correctly- it is he who behaved badly, no?

“I told him it was okay to take things slowly and date others only just the night before”- well, you weren’t aware the night before that it was not okay with you that he dates other, were you ?

* If you choose to answer my questions in this post, please answer each question  very simply and clearly.

anita

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