Dear anita,

I suppose my mother can be a hard woman. My memories of her while we all lived together in Indonesia where quite warm, She was quite happy and maintained a good social life etc. I also know that there were many instances my father did not support her. He offered little support to her and she grew accustomed to doing things by herself over time. The prime example I can give of this is that when I was born, my father did not even show up on the day to be with my mother or visit me after. My uncle was the first male to interact with me. When my father visited the day after, the nurse was shocked at him being a different man from the one who first saw me (my uncle) and turned around to march straight back to the ward without even showing me to my father. I don’t think a lot of fathers would be quite so detached from their families especially during such a critical event.

So I would say that although this discussion has focused a lot on my mother, I firmly believe that my father’s actions had a big impact on the marriage progressively falling apart. As I know, my parents did not spend much time truly getting to know each other before getting married.

When my mother is around her family (grandparents, uncles, aunts etc) it seems she changes into a completely different person. Upon this observation, I believe she is someone who had real love in a marriage held back from her, and instead of support from my father, she had to focus on completing her duties and handling a lot of work without my father to adequately support her emotionally or physically. It is an unfortunate series of events, but I do believe that both individuals and their lack of connection in marriage led to it falling apart.To me it speaks of dysfunction of both sides.

My sister, mother and I are all living together. Things have greatly improved now and, although I do intend to settle down abroad and not in Sri Lanka for the long term, for the time being, I am focused on setting a strong foundation and some level of financial stability here before I take off to focus fully on myself. My sister is a great source of support to my mother especially around the house as I tend to be more fully involved with my career and degree work. But I do try to spend time with them when I can and consciously be present with them in those times.

My sister is doing alright, she is in a happy relationship as of recently and also graduated with her first degree and I got her set up with an internship at my company for her to get some practical, workplace training. She is not as driven in her career as I am yet, but she does have a firm mindset on becoming a teacher. She likes her home comforts and being near our mother. I believe this characteristic sets us apart significantly as I am more free spirited and adventurous. We often have talks on the way to work and I am available for her to talk to about any personal struggles or anything in general that she wants advice on. She usually comes to me without prompting is she has anything on her mind. I try my best to be a balanced, supportive and logical support that she can depend on. I have also noticed my mother relying on me and listening to me more as of recent as well instead of being as stubborn as she was before.. It has made our relationship grow a bit better.

MonaD

• This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by MonaD.