Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your responses. It helped me a lot, more than i could have ever imagined when i first decided to post here some weeks ago. I didn’t reply before because i needed time to think and process. You brought me some tracks about him but most important, about me. I’m finally starting to feel an inner peace coming. I don’t know if things will evolve with him or no. But for sure, i need to work toward myself first. During the pandemic, my own mental disorders kicked me pretty hard and my batteries are still kinda low (ADHD, dysmorphic disorder and scholar anxiety..).

Also, we still talk while i thought our conversations would fade away (it’s been two months he decided to stop now) but we keep reaching out aaaand.. he has started a therapy a few weeks ago. He found out that he had OCD (so his anxiety seems to be strongly related to that) + introversion. Everything is new for him as he had barely knowledges about that illness. I was really glad he talked about that with me. And also, after reading many articles about OCD, a lot things he told me, some ways he acted make so much more sens now. Obviously not everything has to be justified through OCD but a lot of questions i had about his past behavior regarding the relationship things are kind of answered now.

Interesting fact, there is a part of shame involved within this illness. According to what i read, people tend to feel extremely shameful toward themselves if something bad happen (e.g: him getting calling out about his feminine side by his mother, his exam failed, etc..). Also, they would tend to isolate themselves and have a sens of inferiority.