Dear anita,

Concerning my mom and my childhood in general, I have some issues remembering stuff. I may have repressed memories that my mind wants to keep away from me, I don’t really know.

When I began living with my mom, everything revolved around surviving. She flew with me from my father’s house and we had nowhere to go. So for a few years, we traveled from place to place in order to eventually find a place to stay. I must have been 6 when we found that place.

My mom has been overprotective during my childhood. She wanted to protect me from anything that could hurt me (and in the process she might have protected me from things that could have brought me joy as well). To me, it was her way to love and she did the best she could. I had to see my father every once in a while because that’s how the law works in France. But still, my mom did her best going to the tribunal for several years so that I could stop seeing my father. And she eventually succeeded when I was 13.

When I was 16, I think she did not want to see how depressed I was. She didn’t want to believe it because it would mean to her that she didn’t do a good job as a mom, I think. Maybe she disappointed me back then. I knew I was struggling with depression but I thought that I could handle it on my own. Even these days, she sometimes talks about it in a way that seems to tell that everyone is depressed and that no one’s life is perfect. But that doesn’t help me feel better.

Daniel