@Tim you really have been watching the rom coms! “When Harry met Sally” is a classic!!! It is a film that stands the test of time. Every man and woman should watch it, it is basically relationship 101.

I think my anger towards my ex I have been aiming at every other male except him. I know he will be back out there whilst I’m still suffering the after-effects. I’m just angry in general with myself for the years wasted, with my inability to stabilise my fluctuating emotions, I even dream about him, going 1 step forward then what seems like 100 back.

If you want the truth the reason why I am isolating myself is that bar my best friend no one else bothered reaching out once I put my brave face on. I felt like they had been going through the formalities instead of real concern.
It is another pain I did not need, which made me drink more to numb those emotions too. It made me question everything about who I am, my choices, my friends. You spoke of boundaries and it feels shit when for everyone you would do anything and unless you reach out they don’t. I expected the collateral after my ex and I ended so losing his family and mutual friends. What I didn’t expect is I would lose my own. It made me realise who was there and who isn’t. I loved my exes family, you are right I will always have higher expectations, they are no longer mine, and now I don’t even have the energy to be cordial because all I think of is the what-ifs, if he had chosen me like you said I’d be a bridesmaid and that just makes me so sad.  I don’t know. Lately, I’m questioning everything.

I have a new colleague at work and I’ve known her for a few weeks and she has done more for me in that space then some friends I have known for decades. It has really shaken me in the sense I feel were any of my connections authentic, have I been investing time and energy in all the wrong people just like my ex, I feel used and drained.

Some positive though I started to do a run every evening for the past few days as @Shelbyville suggested and so far it is going well, I have cut down on my consumption. I want to tackle it myself for now.

I thought about therapy and it is still not appealing, I think the idea of sitting in front of someone real and releasing my most inner thoughts is a little daunting, I don’t want to feel judged or upset if the therapist raises his/her eyebrow or grimaces.

After reading your feedback and insight made me realise your partner is actually lucky to have a man who wanted to change for the better. Not many men do. all the women in your life are lucky. Good luck with the job interviews, knock them dead! Do you feel pressure to find work in a relationship?