Hi anita,

Thanks for saying that I can let you know if I feel you are trying to control me. I doubt I would ever feel that way, but it makes me feel respected that you would say so. It reminds me of the best therapist I ever had. Even though he didn’t share my identities (he was a white man) he let me know right away that although he didn’t share my identities and might not always understand, he would always try to. That made me feel respected and I healed a lot with his help. He was always on my side, and viewed me in an unconditional positive light. On the contrary, this other therapist that did share my identities did not respect me or empathize with me. She enjoyed me being weak and depending on her. She wanted to feel powerful, not help me help myself. I got worse under her care.

What is love? A hard word to define as it is misused all the time. Love is caring for someone at the same level, and at times more, than you care for yourself. Sometimes it’s easier to define something by saying what it is not. Love is not keeping score. There is no obligation in love. Love is respect at all times. Love is allowing a person the freedom to be who they really are. To allow space for them to grow into their highest self. Love does not demand, threaten or invade. Love requires us to do no harm, and in those moments of human weakness when we do harm, to apologize sincerely and take steps so it never happens again.

Yes, my former therapist and girlfriend were bad. Thank you for saying that. It feels validating and makes my heart feel at peace. My inner child feels happy to hear this. For years my heart has been hurting from confusion. People say we shouldn’t judge that we should forgive. But these notions if used wrongly keep us chained to suffering. There has not been anyone on my side, to validate me or my humanity. Often I’ve thought to myself over the past few weeks that I don’t exist. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think, who are you? It’s hard to feel like a ghost.