I was told to post here. I am on my 2nd day of a break-up and I’m totally incapacitated. I have sat in silence all day just pretty much starring out into nowhere just finished about my 4th bought of crying for theday. Trying not to dwell but it’s only day 2 and my first day not talking to him.

I was in the best relationship of my life. Except it was long distance. We were set to officially end the distance this month. We planned it in October of 2019. He was going to move here,  but then due to circumstances outside of our control with the anti immigration policies of this country and COVID it seemed there was nothing to do but break up. We held onto hope and have not seen each other for 8 months. I never would have imagined that the last time I would see him in my life would be in December 2019.  But it just does not seem possible to be together anymore.  I went on another forumn because i can’t seem to do anything else but think about him regardless of how much i try.  There they told me if he didn’t somehow manage to make it here to be with me then he wasn’t so good and it wasn’t really love. I disagree the only ways he could be with me would mean risking total and utter fincial wipe out and then having to return to china in these bad times. I wouldn’t want that for him that would make me selfish and self serving but it made me feel worse to have it repeated to me multiple times.

Anyhow I managed to eat something. I have been through this type of pain before in my life more times than I wish to have done it. I have gotten past it but right now it feels impossible and being stuck in my apartment alone because of the virus is making it all the much harder. So much suffering. I had written the original story on my own thread a couple of nights ago so i don’t feel i need to write it again but everything just feels so undair. I know life is not always magical but it just feels so awful right now having to give up the best relationship i ever had because of some stupid virus. Even if it had happened later he would have already been here.