My ex-husband actually did almost this same thing to me. When I found out I said absolutely no and he quit. Or so I thought, it then became a constant theme in our marriage that i’d catch him smoking over the years and just like the initial time he would always lie about it to me. It was a source of shame for him.

The problem was that the smoking wasn’t the only ‘bad habit’ he had that he his from me. He in general had a hard time showing me anything that he perceived as shameful. So we had a constant state of kind of mistrust…

That’s clearly not the only reason we ended up divorced but in retrospect is was a HUGE burden on our relationship. I think it woudl be hard for me to date someone that hid something like that from me. BUT if I did I would need to go in fully accepting that they might have other similar things they have trouble revealing to me and that the smoking might be part of their package. I don’t know if I now believe my ex could have given up those vices for me, he would of had to completely on his own decided he felt really passionately about his health and about being transparent and accountable about addictions that hurt his body.

On my end I probably wasn’t very accepting overall, I was really young. I wasn’t always the easiest person to be transparent with.