Just to add here, Anita, since I’ve already said so much, despite everything that was wrong, I believed he loved me and stayed because a) there were few good moments which made me hopeful that only if we sort things out, every moment can be like that, b) he said that he loved me a lot, the actions didn’t match sure but the fact that he said such nice stuff, and really nice things Anita, that i believed that they meant something and c) every time that he left, he came back in a month or two. Now I know that it could well be for selfish reasons or what is called as narcissistic hoovering but back then I thought it was his love for me that he couldn’t just leave me d) I really loved him and had very strong feelings.
So yes, I guess that is all that I feel and think about it. Do let me know what do you think about it, would be very helpful.