Take your time Anita, I’m just saying all this because I just want to be done with these thoughts in my head but there’s no urgency of a reply.

There’s just a bit that I missed adding in my previous post: “She told me to not set dad as my only parameter. She told she was afraid that if I become too fixed on finding a partner who treats me exactly as dad treats mom, I may not appreciate my partner for what he brings to the table if it’s different from what dad does, even if just as good”.
I missed out adding here Anita that following this advice which seemed plausible to me by mom, I tried taking care not to compare R with dad, or check myself every time I unconsciously did. It made sense, they are two different individuals and it is unfair to expect my young partner to have the understanding and respect of my father who has years of understanding. I’d try to see him for what he is and find love and respect in it but at the back of my mind, I’d know that what he’s doing is not respectful as I’d seen respectful behavior. Like in that restaurant washroom example, I never expressed that to R,  because I wanted to resist any possible over-reaction and unrealistic expectations and comparisons, even tho at the back of my mind, I did find it disrespectful because I was just not used to such dominating tendencies and impatience with basic needs, not from my father, not even from my brothers or friends. So i think that might be another reason why I tried not standing up enough. It was the lack of time and inconsistent contact that really got to me, that was something that I just couldn’t ignore.
I’ll just stop talking about what transpired in the relation, at this point, Anita, it is endless and in the past. I’d love to hear about your opinion on it though to give me a clearer idea and I’ll look onto the future hereon.

Regards,

Jenny