Dear anita,

thank you for your sympathy!

I am sorry that I misunderstood your words. Yesterday I was also really tired. Also I did not really respond to most of your post because of that.

You are right, in some situations there is only one solution. Of course, if someone gets abused they should leave.

But I think with K it was a situation with more options. For some people it would work best, to just send a message that they want no contact and then block them everywhere. But this does not work so well for me.

I could not let go of him, I was always thinking about him. When I thought of him I even thought that I love him, but I am not sure if this is true. I do not know very much about love and what it is like. I know that I wish the best for him.

The conversation with him was valuable to me, at least I have learnt some things. And I think that a lot was destroyed by my own fear and mistrust and by my horrible self hate. It was also a difficult situation, with living far apart.

I remembered now that he did bring up before that we could do videochats or such things. But the problems was always my lack of equipment. I really did not want a smartphone and underestimated how important it was for our communication. I did not get it. But I still think I am not the only one who made communication difficult.

If anything, this conversation revealed how lonely I feel. I need to do something to change that.