Come to think of it, I’ve all my teens wanted that kind of a partner, that’s what I found attractive. I used to describe my dream guy as someone broody, mysterious, with attitude.
My typical lines used to be these

– I want a man as a husband, not a boy. I don’t like very ‘good boy’ kind of men who are too polite and too nice to everyone. I like rough and tough men. It’s a fact, subtle rudeness attracted me. I always told L I liked the way he looked at someone, that firm, straight in the eye look.

I think somewhere repelled by my father’s extreme submission, I swung to the other extreme of rudeness and arrogance, failing to see that a middle ground of someone respectful and polite but also assertive who could call a spade a spade is right.

I get it now. I think it’ll take a few days for all this to sink in, but I’ll work through it all. With the pandemic, I thankfully have some extra time on hand.