@kkasxo, if you pick up your messages, I’d love to hear from you.

Hi all, I’m struggling now. Not much sleep. All of the advice is what I already know. However my logic brain is not what’s running the programme at the moment. I’m in an anxiety spiral of hurt and upset and can’t see the wood for the trees.

All I feel I want now is him. Which is infantile in some ways. I don’t understand what’s happening. I would normally go to therapy but have some light shed on it, but my therapist is on leave this week.

We sort of argued on the phone last night when I suggested driving to his place after work this evening to spend a few hours with him. He said he wouldn’t feel good about that as it’s a three hour drive and he doesn’t want me running myself in to the ground. Again, makes sense, but all I heard was….I don’t want to see you. And then he started to sigh and say “i know what you’re thinking now…..that I don’t want to see you….but that’s not the case.”
I texted him after phone call and said that I’m a pretty genuine and open person and I don’t know why he keeps describing me as moody (even when I’m in great form?!) and that I was just trying to make an effort.
he replied and said it’s not his job to look out for me and that he wouldn’t feel good about me making such a long journey and good night. No sweetness etc

I replied again saying that I hoped he realised the gesture at least and he said he did and appreciated it and that he hoped I realised that he does actually want me there. I explained that women need to hear these things sometimes and that then they can make sensible choices – like not doing a long drive. He hasn’t replied since then but it was late.

I don’t expect to hear from him a lot today or in the coming days. I feel as though he’s rubbing his forehead thinking this is all getting too heavy and hard work and will kind of ease off the communication over the next while and just look forward to his boys weekend.

anyway, I know all the good advice, I just need to know how to cope right now. For each moment, to get me through. I’m not near strong enough or self confident enough to take the bigger steps etc. I’m just in a ball at the moment & feel lost and scared. (Anyone reading this thread will recognise these sentences from my first couple of posts ever!) but here I am again- it is what it is.