Dear Ryan:

You are welcome and thank you for expressing your appreciation of this forum.

You wrote earlier that “she truly only calls when she needs something”, so I wondered if you meant that she calls only if she needs material help from you. But what you described regarding the pervious few times that she called/ Face timed, does not include any request for money or anything material.

For 45 minutes you talked about work, goals, etc., and you were able to chat with her son. She also mentioned doing some off-roading in the mountains, with her and her son, I imagine, next year.

So far, so good, but then she mentioned her son learning to swim in her boyfriend’s pool over the weekend, and I guess that stung: that you may be with her and her son next year, while he will be with the two of them this very weekend.

You wrote: “any hopeful notions were swiftly negated. All in all, it was a good conversation between.. close friends?”-

– from all that you shared, she is not a good mother to her son, but she has been a very good girlfriend to you while in the relationship. Because of the latter, if I was in your place, I will calm down any anger I have about her being in a relationship with another man:  what was she to do when rejected by you.. after moving to a new city to be close to you, after waiting and waiting for you to move in with her…?

“I know the relationship is over and I’m finding myself more accepting of it. There will remain the sense of loss”- I understand the sense of loss: she was a good girlfriend to you, she tried hard. and you had the opportunity to be a good step father to her son. As sad as this feels, better endure the deep sadness because it will lead you to a better mental health.

“Who knows what the future holds?”- yes, no one knows. Her relationship with her boyfriend may end, and maybe, if the two of you are able and willing, there may be a new, improved relationship for the two of you to have. Don’t make any move in that direction though, not for as long as she has a boyfriend.

“perhaps I can contribute to their lives in a sense.. as long as I don’t compromise my own happiness”- you are and can continue to contribute positively to their lives in the current situation. About compromising your happiness.. what happiness are you referring to?

anita