Hi Sammy,

That’s incredible, your outlook has changed so much in such a short time, I’m really happy to hear you are doing much better than you were. Exercise and focus and reframing your thoughts are excellent tools, so well done and I hope you’re giving yourself credit for the growth and work you’ve already done.

I didn’t go further with my friend because to be honest, the attraction wasn’t really there for me to the extent I needed it to be. I didn’t pursue it further because my gut was telling me, he’s not for me. I just wasn’t feeling it, but he’s a good person and I hope he will be happy in a relationship with someone wonderful some day.

I don’t have deeper feelings for the new guy than my ex because I know him a much much shorter duration. Yet, I can’t seem to walk away. Kkasxo would have spoken previously about the curse of imagined potential….and I suppose I had let my heart and imagination run away with the potential of it working out and now I want that. Even though right now it doesn’t appear to be on offer. I wish I could stand up for myself and show myself how much I’ve grown, but evidently I haven’t because I still want someone who is only lukewarm now towards me. I think the most difficult aspect for me was the gushing adoration at the start and the fun and kindness and consideration he gave me, had he always been lukewarm and a bit ‘meh’ I would have walked away, but he was very much all about a serious relationship at the start and expressing in many ways how much he liked me. Perhaps I was fooled and I read too much in to that.

I have been alone – as in single-  for a large part of my life apart from my relationship with my ex. However I have a strong circle of family and friends. When I went travelling to Oz & NZ, I did so alone, so I guess I tested some of my capability then.

I definitely know in the height of my anxiety I was afraid to be alone as I felt I was spiralling out of control and wouldn’t be able to cope and would do something stupid.

The new guy texted some today, but nothing flirty or anything, just about his work and his day. I honestly have no idea what is going on. If he wanted out, you’d think he’d ghost or just call it….so I don’t have a clue what he is thinking tbh.