I guess your question clearly represents my need for intimacy. Since I don’t have anybody I feel this much intimacy with, and also because I don’t have anybody that understands me enough to make me comfortable by understanding, I choose to stay in this relationship. I cannot imagine how I can break up with him or make the decision to make him move to another place because both of them could have results such as a suicide or at least excessive self-harm. I, now, don’t have the strength to take this risk both for me and him. He considers himself a lost cause most of the time and I really want to make our lives better even though I know that’s not my responsibility. I don’t want to end anything unless it’s coming from him as well, in that case, he would be offering that in order to prevent more harm to me. He was using 75mg. and today he started using the same drug with 150mg. I really hope that our days can be brighter soon. I have to pass the leaving or separating houses solutions you’ve given me because I am really afraid of the possible outcomes. And he was always there for me when I needed, I feel like I should be there for him and I want to.

Also, we went to my hometown for 4 days for dental treatment and we stayed at mom’s house together. During those 4 days, since I was again depressed because of my memories with family and hometown, he kind of transformed into a better state and tried to help me and comfort me in any way. The day we’ve got back to our shared-house, I got better a little bit and he started to feel depressed again. This can be also because my mom tried to talk with us about psychological issues and asked him this specific question. “What does make you feel valuable?” He couldn’t reply. I couldn’t find any way to make him feel more valuable since then. I have this problem as well but he has it more I guess.