Dear Laelithia:

Question number 1 was: what did you mean by “my damage”, and you answered that your mother did not allow you to date until you were 16, so you didn’t get to be the typical boy-crazy teenager earlier than 16, and therefore you’ve been boy crazy ever since, a decade and a half since. This theory is deeply flawed, I say.

Question number 2 was: what is your understanding of what drives your desire to win back men who rejected you. You answered that as soon as a man is showing true interest in being with you, you start noticing his flaws, and think that you can do better than him. You emotionally withdraw from the man, but as soon as the same man pulls away from you, you “suddenly see them as this great catch”, you want him back, and you become your “best self.. able to lose some weight, organize my home.. I actually work on improving myself”.

With J, you “would push him away, earn him back, lose interest/ wonder if there was better for me out there, push him away again, and earn him back again”. With both J and S, “the relationship moved extremely quickly.. with both men I became physical with them quickly due to the intensity of lust I was feeling.. the act of losing them and trying to earn them back was constantly on my thoughts.. Even now.. I cannot stop thinking about S and wanting to reach out to him”.

You did answer my second question, I appreciate that. My input: you are hooked on rejection, rejection turns you on. Once you detect rejection, your brain motivational centers gets activated, leading you to a chemical high and a motivation to improve yourself.

Maybe you are so  quick to get emotionally and sexually involved with men because somehow, you know that you have a limited time to enjoy the experience, knowing that it will come to an end way too soon.

anita

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