Hi Anita,

I don’t believe that he has wanted to end the relationship because he talked about the future.  Over the course of this year, he also wanted to put our grave stone on the plots, waiting for us.  I told him that was not something I wanted to do.  He also talked about where we would live in retirement.  He adopted a kitten which I found through a friend, and the kitten was coming  over with him on weekends.  He referred  to me as “Mommy” to the kitten.  He said he wished that we were able to have our own biological children together.  He loved being involved with my family, and when I was at his house for the weekend (he lives in the same town as my mom), he would make sure we visited her.  My wake up text from him  was always “Good morning beautiful.”

Our relationship, even through this year of hell, was very connected.  We held hands constantly…when walking, he held my hand while driving, sitting on the sofa, while we slept.  We actually slept in his twin bed together and it was  plenty of room because we were always in a  hug or pretzeled together.  There was constant physical touching of our bodies (I don’t mean sexually).  I fell asleep with my head on his shoulder and his arm was hugging me next to him.

He has always been very jealous though. And I  never gave him a reason to be.

He has told me that in the past a therapist has thought he might be bipolar.

I’m not trying to make excuses for his behavior this past year.  It seemed like when we were together things were fine. Apart is  when the mental movies would play and then his passive aggressive behavior would kick in (silent treatment…one word answers in text messages).   I thought it wise that he have his own therapy to deal with issues of his childhood that may play a role in his lacking of self-esteem….the constant needing to know if I still love him, if he satisfies me, etc.  He has told me that he  had poor self-esteem in high school.  I did not.  I was always quite confident in myself back then and was not a follower.  He very much was a follower (he’s admitted this).

I simply can’t  believe that for 5 years he hid his true self.  I think something  happened on vacation last summer that was a huge trigger for him.   My daughter was with us and she had a bit too much to drink.  I waited up for her; he told me I looked exhausted, to go to bed, and he would find her.   He found her and she kept trying to jump (swim) in the lake near our condo, which he feared she would drown because she was intoxicated.  His son’s best friend committed suicide while in college, back in 2010.  He felt like he should have recognized something  in this young man and could have  prevented the suicide.  He said this  triggered the feelings of that time period.  That’s when things started to go downhill during vacation.  It was as if he was angry with my daughter and me.  I had no idea about the lake issue until days later.

He  has a lot of stuff in his past; so do I.  I’ve been fortunate to seek out therapy.  Hopefully he will benefit from the therapy.  At this point I just don’t know.   I only know I feel tired and hope for the best; prepare for the worst.

Katie