Hello mate,

Kudos to you for being brave! It’s not easy to do especially when you’ve faced heart crushing rejection in the past. You’ve just overcome a major obstacle so be proud!

You need to give yourself some credit. You may have handled things very poorly before but you’ve put in the effort to make amends, better yourself and mature. The above posts reflects that in your actions. You really sound like a boy who has become a man. Someone who is respectful of others emotions, showing vulnerability and giving well wishes if the outcome doesn’t favour you.

Over the weekend try and find something to focus on other than the outcome. Let her decide in peace, be confident if you are meant to be it will be because you’ve done everything possible and proactively. Whatever she decides is her choice. Her feelings are not to be minimised.

You presented yourself well and the rest is down to fate. Don’t let it discourage the growth. Keep yourself propelling forwards regardless of the outcome.

Given what she said, I’d say it really is 50/50. She really did accept and want you but she clearly is a woman of self worth and knows she deserves more. It’s down to her to decide if she wants to risk it to ascertain if you can give her more long term.

I honestly believe reading your posts, you are looking to be your improved self but not willing to lose yourself i.e. beg, be a yes man or contort entirely for the relationship. That will make your relationship healthier and you more attractive to her. She is the same too, not willing to lose her values and accept less.

I think you have a good chance mate, I really do. Fingers crossed for you. If all goes well let me give you some sage advice, man to man and based on my experience.

You will need to build the trust, attraction and respect all over again. Don’t get complacent.

I see resemblance of myself in you. We are both men with high drives. Great sex can sometimes create a false feeling we call love. It’s actually just an attachment to the other that can be strong due to the hormones released. To base a future decision on this is immature. You may think that’s what you need a test run, if you push for that with her you’ll wind up where you started causing her to feel used and disrespected.

From experience, I would say, don’t consider it something that can keep a relationship together over the long haul.

You two seem compatible emotionally and that is significantly more important. In many relationships there is great sex but the other parts like feeling understood,  having emotional needs met, being authentic can begin to feel starved when the sex/lust wears off. Incompatibility becomes an issue.

So consider being each others support, sounding boards, etc more valuable. Building a strong foundation of friendship and then the other parts, you will not go wrong. I promise, if you connect in that way when you eventually do the deed you will be able to communicate each others needs to create fireworks. This is what mature adult relationships entail.

The ones that thrive on drama and highs and lows always end. I speak from experience.

If you need any other advice let me know however I will not be able to respond over the weekend. Don’t do anything foolish! Anxiety can kick in but just sit with it !

Good luck mate👍

Tim

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by Tim.