@Danny,

OK, so I have briefly caught up on your posts and my thoughts are as follows..

I think you’re definitely on the right track in terms of ‘making amends’. I say making amends what I mean is giving yourself the opportunity to let go of the grief surrounding this relationship and also giving this girl the clarity and ‘closure’ that she deserves after everything that’s happened.

It’s nice to read that you guys had a nice chat and spent some quality time together, almost reminiscing on what was and what could’ve been. Who knows where it will go from here. You very obviously care for her. And with that you want the very best for her. The only thing I would urge you to ask yourself at this very moment is whether the very best for her is you, right now, in this moment, amongst the chaos of your self discovery..

And to be honest I could be projecting here or I could just be sharing a female point of view picked up from personal experiences..

This post has gone on for over two years now and me and Shelby have been communicating for a long time so I’m sure you haven’t caught up exactly on my situation (somewhat different to yours as there is trauma involved) but yet similar in ways.. And I for one wish now years later that Mr A didn’t come back into my life. I write that with an actual lump in my throat because it feels so weird throwing 5+ years with this man away like that. BUT in hindsight he was not ready. Till this day he is not ready. He wanted to make amends. He wanted to prove me wrong. He had the best of intentions (I believe) and when push comes to shove he cannot pull through because at the end of the day, he is who he is and this is the current situation, that will not change.

Like yourself and this woman you are in awe with, me and Mr A had a very gravity pulling relationship. We were head over heels in all aspects of the relationship, spiritually, emotionally, sexually.. He was my actual best friend. We were very much committed and in love. But life unfortunately wrote its own scenario and shit happened. And I can honestly hold my hands up and say that no matter how much ‘love’ we have for one another nothing has ever been the same since. We reconciled. We moved out together. We made amends. And to cut a story short, we live like flat mates who don’t even like one another and just get by because we have to. And yet we still love one another. But what we had and what we have now are on two completely different ends of the spectrum. Without going on about this for too long, the point I am trying to make is that HAD Mr A been ready, really been about everything he said at the time of reconciliation, I believe things would be very different now. Maybe we could still be in our little love bubble. Instead we spent the last two years tarnishing the beautiful memories we made the first time round… Probably caused more damage than good. It’s oh so easy to get caught up in the ‘I’ve made a mistake, I’ve learnt my lesson, this is what I want, I’m ready, I’ll do whatever it takes to make it work…’ but it’s not as easy to pull that through once the novelty wears of and the relationship goes back to basics. To the core of you and the core of her. Particularly when you’re on a journey of self discovery.

With that in mind that is why I ask, chemistry aside, what you would like the outcome to be aside, what you think you have become on this journey aside, what you THINK you are ready to right now in your despair to get this connection back, to make right your wrong doings – Are you the best thing for her at this present moment?