Dear Katie:

If you just fall into your son’s arms and cry tomorrow- let it be. Nothing wrong with it, as long as you don’t cry non-stop during his stay, of course. Express your emotions responsibly, in moderation- the Middle Way between denying and being histrionic.

My comments on different parts of your recent post:

1. “He felt (the relationship) began back in 6th grade.. He always said that from 6th grade to now he was ‘connecting the dots'”; “I believe that our relationship began the first time he walked in my door 6 years ago.. faulty thinking on his part.. There were no dots to connect”- I agree, the relationship between the two of you had its very beginning six years ago, not earlier. The dots he needs to connect are not about you or your past. They are all about him and his past. What he did when he started focusing on your past was to pull you into his maze of dots, placing you there, where you don’t belong.

2. “When we were physically together, he didn’t get angry with me. It was when we were apart, and always about the same issue.. the guy in high school”- this, seems to me is about him having been abandoned or neglected by his mother/ primary care-taker. When you were with him he felt comforted (mommy is at home!) and when you were away, he felt abandoned and angry about it (mommy left me, again!).. and.. where is mommy? – she is with another guy!!

3. “he depended upon me to take care of him more than I depended on him to take care of me. He had difficulty making decisions, and I always tried to guide him to make his own decision. He wanted my advice on everything”- yes, reads like he was looking at you as a mother figure: he depended upon you to take care of him, to guide him. 

What do you think?

anita