Anita,

Thank you so much for responding. Your response to someone else’s post led me to this forum to begin with. It took me awhile to post anything, but I am glad I did.

I agree, I have to stay no contact. I have only ever considered possibly letting them back in if I became mentally strong enough to be immune to the toxic behavior. I don’t think that will ever happen and even if it did, I cannot risk my daughter being brought into it. That doesn’t take away the pain though, but it will take time. I am in therapy now. My therapist gently told me today that I had a long way to go. I am very very angry at what has been done to me that I cannot get back. I am already struggling as a mother because I was never shown what it means to be a good mother. My daughter’s father is very stable and he has a very good family. I mourn not being able to give her those relationships with my family, but I know she will have strong healthy bonds with him and his family.

In regards to new relationships, to give you some background, I moved to this area so that my daughter could be closer to her father. We did not work out and now I do not have friends in the area. I have struggled deeply with her father moving on, but I want to be at peace with it. I find myself being bitter, but I do not want to seek out a new relationship for that reason. I want to be okay being alone. The kind of relationships I would like could be with my neighbors, or just meeting a new friend at the library. I tend to isolate and not talk to people due to anxiety and fear of rejection. I think I know I just have to make a leap at some point and reach out to people.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post.-Carrie